Scattered Thoughts

I have been alive for at least several thousand years. I may be older yet. It is a game I play to guess my age, as the calculation of that number is very much a function of the capacity of my memory. Specifically, the oldest memory I can now recall is one from just over 2500 years ago - a memory which requires a great effort of concentration for me to remember.

It became apparent quite some time ago that the mind - even my own - has only so much capacity to remember. As the years go by, history's events continue to be told, but my knowledge and recollection of history no longer expand in tandem. As thoughts are added, the sum of the remainder of my knowledge becomes less sharp, less succinct, as if a reorganization of capacity occurs after each new memory is gently cushioned into the recesses of my mind.

Unless they are of great significance, retrieval of specific memories requires great focus and attention. While it is horrifying to comtemplate the loss of one's most precious moments, there are indeed benefits to be had from an ever expanding repertoire of experience. History is like a song, with themes that repeat over and over again. When you've heard the same tune for as long as I have, you know what to listen for when you spot a new variation. This has given me an almost precognitive ability to predict future outcomes based on current circumstances.

Although external forces of the present and their application into possible futures begs most for my attention, it is the past that inevitably engulfs me. As time passes, my attention is more often lost than not. Once adrift, random memories of the past come unbidden - a million images of trivialities, passing in front of me like a continuous chain of railroad cars on an endless train track. Occasionally, I'll spot a fonder memory from ages ago, and wander for hours or days in the joys and sorrows of those once forgotten moments.

[Archivist's note: multiple sources found for this entry. The most accurate passages have been selected on your behalf. For this entry, it is possible that additional sources may become available.]